A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy

A blogger I've recently come to love, Mr. Money Mustache, recommended this book and I decided to give it a try.  I am so glad that I did.  This book feels so filled with wisdom that I hope I read it multiple times in order to better absorb the deepness within it.

William Irvine is a philosopher who states that he'd long felt drawn to Buddhism and decided to write a book on what religions and philosophies through the ages have had to say about desire.  He said it was his secret hope that he would be converted to Buddhism through this study but that instead he discovered Stoicism and felt it was an even better fit.  I can totally relate to this experience.  Years ago, I listened to a series of talks from a conference about neuroscience and one of those talks was by the Dali Llama.  He was completely open to science and said that if faith and science conflicted, it was the faith that should change.  I enjoyed his short talk so much that I've subsequently read many of his books.  The Buddhist view on taming our desires, emotions, and attachments in order to obtain peace has long appealed to me.  However, the Dali Llama would sometimes start talking about more supernatural items like karma, dharma, and past lives which felt more alien to me.  So here comes the ancient philosophy of stoicism, tempered for modern readers by Irvine, and it offers all of the incredible benefits that Irvine and myself have seen in Buddhism without the religious aspects.

According to Irvine, a Stoic's main goal is to obtain tranquility, or peace.  In order to obtain this peace, people have to learn ways to cope with human insatiability.  It is a natural human tendency to start to take the good things in our life for granted and become dissatisfied with what we have.  Wisdom across the world has long found that the key to happiness is wanting what we already have.  The Stoics had several psychological techniques to help do this.

First, they encourage a practice called Negative Visualization.  This consists of stepping back and imagining your life without certain things.  I can think back to times that I've been extremely ill and then imagine in detail a life without health.  This is very distressing and it makes me extremely grateful for my health.  When I think on it long enough, I'm sure that hard as it would be, I would adjust to such a life and can imagine things in that life that would still make it worthwhile.  I would still have people that loved me, the ability to read and learn, and many other things to look forward to each day.  So in the visualization, I continue to take things away and try to see life as still be livable.  Could life be meaningful if I was alone, blind, deaf, and horribly ill?  Well, it would be a lot harder, but it seems likely that even then, I could learn Braille and continue reading.  I could think back to happier memories and enjoy them.  I could get a dog to keep me company.  Etc...   In reality, people have terrible things happen to them all the time and generally speaking, they learn to adjust and keep going.  So no matter how bad it got, I would most likely continue to find reasons to want to live.  After this visualization, I can bring all of the good thing back.  I do have vision, hearing, health, and loved ones! And the contrast between the imaging and the reality makes me feel great gratitude for all of that I have.

Another technique is focusing only on those things over which you have control.  Irvine divides the world in to those things that you completely control, those things over which you can influence but not completely control, and those things over which you have no control.  The category of things that you can truly control mainly consists of your goals, values, and reactions to external events.  Things that you can influence but not ultimately control tends to include anything you might do with your time.  You can work hard at your job and you're more likely to get a promotion, but you might not.  Irvine suggests that we make our goals only things that we can control.  For example, if I make doing the best I can at my job my goal rather than a promotion, I will be happier because I can completely control how well I do at my job.  Similarly, in relationships with others, we can make our goals relate to how we treat those people- something we can control- rather than trying to control how those people feel about us- something we ultimately can not control.

Next, Irvine speaks of fatalism. He says the ancient Romans focused on how the fates had written the past.  This was useful when looking at other people that one might find difficult and when looking at one's own past.  Instead of becoming irritated with a person or being filled with regret over past choices, seeing that person or your past self as being a victim of circumstance makes it easier to accept.  I found this especially interesting as I tend to think that the combination of a person's genes, specific life experiences, and some factor of random chance essentially dictate the choices that he or she will make.  I have found that viewpoint extremely helpful in viewing others with empathy and in avoiding regret.  However, I have never felt that my present/ future is dictated even though by that logic, it is in a way.  It appears Irvine takes the same approach.  Even if it is a trick of the mind to imagine that current choices are true choices where we could choose differently, it's a necessary trick and somehow I find it very easy to hold the somewhat contradictory view that the past is written but the future could be changed.

The fourth psychological technique is self-denial.  By practicing minor self-deprivations, we put actions to the negative visualizations to an extent.  Sleeping on the floor could be such an example.  It not only helps one build appreciation for their bed, it also increases strength of will and makes a person more adaptable.  I know that I have a deep respect for people who can adapt to any situation and accomplish anything that they pursue.  I desire a will of steel and this technique is clearly a good route to accomplish that end.

Finally, Irvine describes regular self reflection as being vital to Stoicism.  A person must pause regularly and reflect on how well they have been living.  They can consider if their current actions will lead to the fruition of their goals.  If they identify something that was poorly handled, they can imagine other ways to deal with it.

The book has many other interesting tidbits from a Stoic feeling a deep sense of duty to mankind to tips for dealing with difficult people.  But since almost everything in this book is fascinating, I had to focus on what intrigued me the most to keep this review from getting too long.  I feel as though I aspire to be a Stoic.  I don't think I am yet; but I think the journey will be a reward in and of itself.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart

I can't believe it's been two years since I've posted.  I've read plenty and keep meaning to come back to this, but it's taken this rainy Saturday for me to actually do it.  So here it is:

Earlier this week, I noticed that I had some audible credits building up and I wasn’t sure how to best use them.  The next day I read an NPR article about Elizabeth Smart writing an autobiography and decided to listen to it.

It was a very captivating and interesting book. The story of her kidnapping is terrible and bizarre.  For nine months she lived as a homeless person subject to the whims of a self proclaimed prophet who was cruel and controlling and raped her daily.  I find it interesting that she documented how she was broken.  Initially, she was chained to a tree and given no opportunities for possible escape.  But after months of abuse, threats to herself, and threats to her family, she was so thoroughly ruled by fear that the physical chains were unnecessary.  At several points, she was given opportunities that a healthy person might have taken to escape.  Once, a police officer insisted on seeing her face despite her captor’s insistence on her veil’s religious purpose.  The officer finally backed down when the captor pointed out that if she was a missing person, surely she wouldn’t just stand there.  The book made it clear how a 14 year old, abused, broken, and terrified girl certainly could just stand there despite desperately wanting to escape.

Listening to her autobiography, her religious attitudes were presented frequently.  She perceived herself as experiencing many miracles which clearly gave her comfort.  Her utter revulsion at the concept of alcohol and some other more mundane worldly things hit my ears as naive and judgmental, but perhaps with a tinge of sweetness to it.  Her love for her family and the stories of their kindness and extreme gentleness were absolutely endearing.  

One thing that struck me was that she often referred to her captors as wicked, evil, driven by Satan, etc.  And while what they did was unquestionably evil, I found such references off-putting.  Labeling a person as wicked and evil makes them something “other”, something that you yourself could never be.  It makes it okay to treat such people with revulsion or ridicule or shame.  And that’s dangerous.  I think even kidnapping rapists are still people.  They may be horribly selfish, weak, uncaring, manipulative people- but they’re still people.  People who have worth and could become something better.  And I think that’s important to see.  If the attitude of an evil, wicked, other gets extended to say, anyone who is not a part of religion X or is a part of religion Y or has a kid out of wedlock or any other perceived lapse in morality, it’s easier to see how destructive it is.  Remembering the humanity of even those who do the worst things, reminds me that I too am capable of being selfish, weak and uncaring and perhaps it helps me guard against being those things a little bit. Given what Elizabeth Smart went through, if she wants to call her captors wicked and evil, by all means, she has every right.  But I think that attitude on a larger scale is the cause of a great deal of pain and suffering.

Another thing that struck me was that as she recounted her story, she always took note of the things she was grateful for during her captivity.  When things seemed absolutely horrible, she would recount all of the small things that made her life a little better and all of her wonderful experiences from the past to help remind her that in many ways, she was lucky.  I think this attitude is overwhelmingly impressive and is clearly what allowed her to recover from the ordeal.  She said that if she let herself stay in a place of self-pity and failed to move on, she would be giving her captor all of the power and she wasn’t willing to do that.  Instead, she chose to be happy.  Her experiences show the incredible power of gratitude.  I hope that when I’m facing far inferior ordeals to hers, I’m able to keep in mind her attitude of gratitude and realize just how wonderful I have it.