Years ago, I read The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute and absolutely loved it. Since then, I've been interested in reading their other best selling book. I really enjoyed it. At times, it's a little overly campy with the wise sage passing on principals in the format of silly catch phrases and terminology. But I think the principals genuinely are wise and wonderful to ponder again and again.
The most important piece of advice in the book is Question Your Own Virtue. The basic gist of the book is that people will deny an instinct that they have (help a co-worker, friend, neighbor) and when they don't do what they feel is right, they start justifying that behavior to themselves. This is called "being in the box" and usually involves finding flaws/ blame in somebody else and inflating your own virtues. When you do this, you're treating the other person as an object and failing to see them as a person with their own set of wants and needs that are equal to your own. The book suggests that the best way to "get out of the box" is to question your own virtue. Allow yourself to see that you might not be behaving well towards someone. Genuinely question your own motives and whether they are really about improving a situation or more about feeling right. I think this is incredible advice and something I should strive to routinely do.
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